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Since I started this blog I’ve been changing the Subtitle to different quotes to play on the main title of the site: “Words of Wisdom From The Elder”.  I’m not sure if anyone even reads the quotes since most people read the RSS feeds but it got me to thinking that I need to save the dang things or I’ll forget them.

If nothing else I’m sure in 50 years my children will get a kick out of reading them.  The quotes are all original things I’ve said at one point or another and have never heard.  Well, let me clarify, to me they are original meaning I didn’t do a  search for them or look them up.  They are things that I say in passing to people or they are about things that pop up in daily life.  Some of them you may have thought of yourself, or even heard someone else say.  They may even be twists on things you’ve heard before.  Nevertheless, they are gems to live by.  Elderisms if you will.  Here they are cataloged for all time sakes.

August 1997

“With enough memory and hard drive space, anything in life is possible.” – Keith Elder

March 2007

“Never burn a bridge.  You never know when life will take you back down that road.” – Keith Elder

April 2007

“In the real world there aren’t assignments. Life is your final exam.” – Keith Elder

May 2007

“Flattery will get you everywhere if you use it daily.” – Keith Elder

“You got in jail on your own, you can find your own way out.” – Keith Elder

October 2007

“Software is ready to be scheduled for production when the last line of code is written.” – Keith Elder

November 2007

“MVC is not God’s gift to programmers.” – Keith Elder

January 2007

“Just because it isn’t pretty doesn’t mean it shouldn’t still be used.”  – Keith Elder (in regards to for loops)

March 2008

“Teaching is learning and then verbally throwing up on everyone.” – Keith Elder

April 2008

“It is hard to measure what you can’t see.” – Keith Elder

May 2008

“Anything becomes intuitive if you use it long enough.” – Keith Elder

“It has always amazed me at how fast a kitchen counter can loose a bread tie.” – Keith Elder

June 2008

“Editing audio is just like writing code, you have to know what NOT to keep.” – Keith Elder

August 2008

“Being negative is a recursive function that will get invoked by someone else.” – Keith Elder

September 2008

“The hardest part of moving is moving.” – Keith Elder

November 2008

“The hardest thing about programming is typing.” – Keith Elder

February 2009

“Don’t judge a man as to what he may be today, but rather what he can be tomorrow.” – Keith Elder

March 2010

“Today is a family holiday for Elders everywhere. We were called O’Elder but dropped the O’ because of parsing issues with forms.” -Keith Elder (17th)

“Being a programmer means  you have a profitable habit” -Keith Elder

June 2010

“The Chinese buffet is China’s greatest invention.” -Keith Elder

July 2010

“If I knew being a Software Engineer meant I was also a full time email processor I may have done things differently.” -Keith Elder

October 2010

“Dear Sports Writers: The first and most important thing to put into an article about a game that happened yesterday is the freakin’ score!” -Keith Elder

“If someone would invent potato chips that wouldn’t crumble to bits at the bottom of the bag they’d be rich.” -Keith Elder

December 2010

“I love people’s argument for not using Microsoft products. “You have vendor lock in.” So what’s their answer? Switch to another vendor.” -Keith Elder

“Why does “.. may your days…” sound like “mayonnaise” in Christmas songs?” – Keith Elder

“I just got a voicemail message at work telling me there was a problem with the voicemail system.” -Keith Elder

January 2011

“Once you go diesel…. you never go gas.” – Keith Elder

“If I could make a popcorn that wouldn’t get stuck in teeth I think I could sell it.” – Keith Elder

“It is time to feed and water myself.” -Keith Elder

“I wonder if dogs have horoscopes.” – Keith Elder

“I think I’m addicted to self help books. I need a book to help fight the addiction.” – Keith Elder

“People say they want $1 million dollars. I say I want $1.5mil so I’ll have $1mil after the government gets through.” – Keith Elder

February 2011

“Dear Bacon: You were delicious this morning.” – Keith Elder

March 2011

“Nothing prevents maintenance like preventive maintenance.” – Keith Elder

April 2011

“Vacations are teases for retirement.” – Keith Elder

August 2011

“Anyone that has to read positive quotes of the day to stay positive should seek counseling.” – Keith Elder

December 2012
“The fastest 9 minutes of my life happens after I press the snooze button.” – Keith Elder

“If you’ve only ever worn one type of underwear, how do you know you don’t like the others?” – Keith Elder

July 2013
“If you want a motivated team, hire motivated team members.” – Keith Elder

“At some point you have to learn that most of life’s questions can be answered by the Internet if you just ask.” – Keith Elder

August 2013
“The best teacher one can have is failure.” -Keith Elder

“It is easier to keep one fire lit than five.” -Keith Elder

January 2016

#PersonalGrowth Best way to take feedback is to absorb it like a sponge & not let your emotions wring it back out until it has had time to soak in.”  – Keith Elder

August 2019

“Just focus on being positive energy to those around you, be a force they can’t live without instead of one they want to live without.” – Keith Elder

February 2021

“Any rule that starts with “All” is already a broken rule.” – Keith Elder