*Words of Wisdom From The Elder

A funny-but-serious guide to not getting banned from the water

1. Respect the Floating Kingdom

The Captain is not a boss. He is THE boss. The King of the Helm. If he says “don’t touch that line,” don’t play Curious George. This ain’t a democracy—it’s a dictatorship with flares and a bilge pump.

2. Ask Before You Untie… Anything

Don’t assume the ropey-thingy needs untying. It probably doesn’t. That line may be holding the boat from crashing into 10 other boats, a manatee, or a million-dollar dock. Always ask. Think of the Captain like a toddler’s nap—don’t mess with it without a warning.

3. You Cannot Stop a Boat with Your Hands

Repeat after me: “I am not Aquaman.” That 3-ton floating beast is not something your knuckles can stop. Keep hands and limbs clear of docks, pilings, and your urge to be a hero. You’ll lose. Every time.

4. Chip In, or Walk the Plank

Gas ain’t cheap. Neither are bait, ice, dock tips, or those $20 lures that fish ignore anyway. Don’t offer—insist. Offshore? $200ish. Nearshore? $75–$100. Inshore cruise? $50. Your wallet should feel like it went swimming.

5. Feed the People

Bring food. Good food. Sandwiches that make grown men weep. Or deli sandwiches so good you get invited back just for the pastrami. If you’re known for Lunchables, bring chips instead.

6. Don’t Just Stand There

If the fish ain’t biting, grab a hose, a rag, or start learning to rig. Fishing isn’t a spectator sport, it’s a team effort with occasional naps. Captains love when you ask to learn. Bonus points if you actually help.

7. Pack Light—This Ain’t a Cruise Ship

Storage on a boat is like closet space in a New York apartment: nonexistent. Leave the rolling suitcase, mega tackle box, and 17 pairs of Crocs at home. Minimal is magical.

8. Storage is Sacred

If the Captain says there’s no room for your third bag of “just in case” stuff, don’t argue. He’s not being mean. He’s trying not to sink.

9. Don’t Trash the Boat (or the Head)

Clean up after yourself like you’re on your first date at their place and you really want a second one. Spilled drinks? Clean it. Used the head (toilet)? Don’t leave evidence. Saltwater + sunshine = epoxy for filth.

10. Soles That Don’t Mark = Friends That Get Invited Back

If your shoes leave black streaks, congratulations, you’ve committed the #1 cardinal sin. Only wear non-marking shoes. Or prepare to be shamed, publicly.

11. Learn to Fillet or Help Ice the Catch

If you can’t fillet a fish, cool—grab a bag and start icing them down like a pro. If you can fillet? You’re now everyone’s best friend. (Don’t mess it up.)

12. Be Useful. Or Be the Photographer.

Not everyone needs to gaff or run lines. If all jobs are taken, pick up a camera. Take killer pics. Be the hero who caught every moment… even if you caught zero fish.

13. No One Leaves Until the Boat is Clean

You don’t leave until the boat looks better than when you got on. Think: sparkling floors, wiped rails, and a chamois rubdown worthy of a yacht commercial. Bonus if you wash the Captain’s hat.

14. Use Manners, Always

Yes, you’re fishing. No, you’re not allowed to turn into a salty pirate. Say please. Say thank you. Don’t be a jerk. You’re more likely to be invited back if you act like you weren’t raised by sea wolves.

15. Leave Your Ideas at the Dock

Unless the Captain asks, he doesn’t want your input on how you used to do it in Boca. This is his boat, not a Reddit forum.

16. No License = No Fishing

Don’t ruin the trip because you forgot your fishing license. It’s like trying to get into a concert with a fake wristband. Just don’t.

17. Fishing Gear Costs More Than Your Car Payment

You broke a rod? That’s a \$500 “oops.” Lures? \$20 a pop. Line replacement? It’s a thing. If the Captain supplies gear, chip in for the cause. It’s not optional.

18. Tip the Marina Crew Like They’re Handling Your Luggage (Because They Are)

Someone grabbed your ice, tied your lines, or helped dock the boat? Toss them a few bucks. It’s good karma and keeps you from being “that guy.”

19. Never Bring Glass on a Boat. Ever. Never. Seriously.

Want to ruin a trip real fast? Bring a glass bottle and wait for it to break on deck. Bring cans. Or boxed wine. Or Capri Sun. Anything but glass. Never. Ever. Ever.

20. The Captain Picks the Playlist—Not You

This isn’t your floating Spotify party. The only DJ on board is the person at the helm. If you want to control the tunes, you should’ve bought your own boat. Until then, vibe with the Captain’s music—even if it’s 80s yacht rock or aggressive Jimmy Buffett deep cuts. 🎶

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Want to get invited back? Live this list. Be the guest every Captain dreams of. And remember: saltwater may clean your soul, but it won’t save your reputation if you break Rule #10.

Last night I was driving home and saw something run out in front of the truck.  Turns out it was a very young Chihuahua puppy. He ran up under the truck and I spent the next few minutes trying to coach him out with no luck. 

Finally some neighbors that live down the street stopped to help.  But then again we couldn’t get him out.  Ellen (wife) drove by and we decided we could get him out with some food.  Long story short after about 20-30 minutes we finally got him out from under the car. 

Without any further adieu I give you TACO!

The poor guy was just scared to death.  I can’t blame him, he’s only a few inches tall.

I brought him home and gave him food and water and watched over him as he didn’t want to leave my side.  Last night he spent the night in my bathroom. 

This morning Taco and I took the trash out and I showed him the best spots in the yard to use the bathroom.

I’m not sure what we’ll do with him if we can’t find his owner (I honestly think someone dropped him off), but whatever it is it Taco will have a better life.

“Then shall he answer them, saying, Truly I say to you, Inasmuch as you did it not to one of the least of these, you did it not to me.” Matthew 25:45

Update – 10:27AM Oct. 7th

It didn’t take Taco long this morning to start running the kingdom.  He has officially taken over.  He managed to overthrow the other two dogs without a fight and take their bed. 

The other dogs retreated under my desk to take watch to see what Taco’s next move was going to be. 

 

Update – 12:27PM Oct. 7th

Taco is a dog of compassion.  He thought about it for awhile and came to the conclusion it wasn’t fair for the other dogs who were here first. Thus he allowed them to come back and rest.  But only if they gave him the best spot.

Easy. Use Java. Just saying.

Actually this is a FAIL for Dockers not Java. It doesn’t matter which technology you use you can scale it (it just may cost more than others). You think they would have at least done performance testing on this before they released it. Wait, Dockers makes pants, so they obviously outsourced this. Ok, a complete FAIL for this consulting firm that got paid no telling what to build this and then after all was said and done it couldn’t even collect data.

I’ve been getting about oh, 3-7 emails a day telling me I should use someone’s service to optimize my website so I can be on the first page of Google.  I mean seriously, how do you think they found me in the first place!?  After getting fed up deleting emails I decided to respond.  Here is my email to said random person.  I think I was a little too polite, but I think the anger comes across nicely even in text.

Got back home from Codemash this evening and turned on the beast.  I had a Java installer staring me in the face so I said to go ahead and install it.  Then I got presented with this.

Yeah, I’m just as confused as you.